The Lord called something to my attention yesterday as I was at Bible study. I had been feeling distracted, but I wasn't sure why. When I say distracted, I mean something was off. Days were passing and yet each moment was very clear and concise. It was as if I was standing still and the world was spinning around me. I was very aware of every move I was making. Even walking out to start the car to get it warmed up. Hugs and kisses from my kids were all moving in slow motion, but the days were passing at a frightening pace. I remember getting into my car a few days ago and "Blink", by Revive was playing. This is a part of the song...
Teach me to number my days and count every moment before it slips away. Take in all the colors before they fade to gray.
I don't wanna miss even just a second more of this. It happens in a blink. It happens in a flash. It happens in the time it took to look back. I try to hold on tight, but there's no stopping time. What is it I've done with my life?
It happens in a blink. It happens in a blink.
Slow down. Slow down. Before today becomes our yesterday. Slow down. Slow down. Before you turn around and it's too late.
The tears were streaming down my face before he got the first line out. Each lyric was hitting me hard. The last time this happened to me were the moments approaching my college graduation from Ole Miss. I remember the last few times I walked across the circle in front of the Lyceum and strolling across the beautiful grove taking in all of the serenity of it. Slow motion. That's what I remember. A couple of weeks later I graduated and left for Kid's Across America, tears streaming down, after hugging my best friends and saying, not good-bye, but see you soon. And yes, blink once, blink twice and we're all married and each of us have families and live far apart from one another, although still close at heart, and by phone and text of course.
I look at my children and think, when in the world did all these babies grow up? I have a 5 year old! I know, they're still babies, but I remember bringing each one of them home for the first time...like it was yesterday.
I hadn't been hearing from the Lord. I'd been talking with Him and reading a little each day, but I wasn't hearing His voice and now I know why.There was this nagging dissatisfaction inside of me. It's so strange because I look at my life and have everything I could ever need to be satisfied and more. So what is this nagging inside? This, I need some sweets. I need some coffee. This Let's take the kid's to Chuck E Cheeses and have a good time! This let me just go get a workout in. I'll feel better if I do that. Timotheus, let's just go and do SOMETHING!! Unrest is another great way to describe it.
Friends, I see clearly now what was happening. I was trying to fill this God space in my soul with worldly things. Whatever I could, food, friends, laughter and good times, exercise, my husband. I hadn't run to my Father, I had run to the things of this world.
My spirit is thirsty and unless I'm going to the living water that He says He is, the nagging will not stop. More money, more success in ministry, more beautiful babies will not stop the thirsty soul from longing for His living water.
All the while, the days are rolling by. Each opportunity I have to live life on purpose is passing me by because I'm distracted with trying to quench this thirst. What a sly trick of the enemy. Stealing my time, precious time, having me looking around on the ground instead of bowing down and looking up to the Father. We must stand guard against this daily!
Here's a conversation Jesus had with a Samaritan woman about living water.
Jesus answered, "If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water." "Sir," the woman said, "you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water?" Jesus answered, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life." John 4:10-11,13
And when this verse was read in Bible study, everything became very clear to me.
"My people have committed two sins; They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water."
I'm not absolutely sure when, where, or why I started to drift, but I began to scramble for something that felt good. (always a red flag in my book) Something, anything that would make me feel better for a few minutes. I was praying and reading, but I wasn't communing with the Father. I wasn't surrendering my heart in that time. I was going through the motions of what I knew I was supposed to do. Did I mention, this is the exact text my husband preached at the IMPACT conference on the 29th of December? Funny, I didn't see it clearly at that point. It took a few more days and coming from the mouth of Beth Moore.
I'm overjoyed to say that little phase of distraction is over. I've gone to the Lord and told Him how sorry I am that I made what seemed to me to be such an elementary mistake. Now, my friends, He has me focused and seeing things very clearly with spiritual eyes. I'm taking in those moments in each day. I'm breathing them in slowly, enjoying them, and exhaling in peace. Satisfied. If I had only known, He would have given me living water. Now He has and I will not so easily forsake Him next time.
So what about you? Any broken cisterns you're trying to create and keep filled? Do you KNOW the gift of God to turn to? I hope you'll take some time today to examine your heart. It's always worth it. Don't waste any more time, for our time here is SHORT! More on my FOCUS for 2013 soon!
Thanks for reading!